oh heeeeey!!

Been a freaking long time!! So long.....that we have actually added another tiny human to our crew. Peyton was born in October and is almost 7 months! What???????  Kaylee is finishing 4th grade. And my little Jaxon is getting ready for kindergarten!! Everyday school! Holla!!!!!!!  Then just me and baby have a few hours alone 5 days a week!  What will we do you ask???? Im hoping for a nap from time to time. ( like when I was a mom of 1).
 My little family has not been the only ones expanding!  Both yes,BOTH of my little sisters got married this last yr. It was a busy year for everyone to say the least.  Britt married Joe in August.  It was such a beautiful wedding with party hardy dancing at the end!! And there was this very pregnant mama keeping up with the beat and not going into labor!! ( she's awesome ;)).  Aubri got married to Bryce before Christmas.  Her wedding was beautiful and cold!! Good thing there was yummy hot soup and another awesome dance party to keep you warm. one things for sure, Poulsens can throw a party!!!!!!  And GOOD NEWS!! I could dance the night away because I wasn't pregnant at this wedding! Thank goodness.  I just have to say that my sisters chose the best men to be their husbands!! I sleep well knowing they are being loved and protected by these amazing guys. 
So, the yr ended pretty good. I was hopeful for a fairly calm new yr.  That was not in the plans.  My beautiful 12 yr old niece was diagnosed with leukemia at the end of January.  Rough start to the new yr is an understatement.  Here we are in April and she is doing great!! Currently cancer free!! Starting another round of chemo to get ready for bone marrow transplant.  We have witnessed many miracles and tender mercies through this process. And for that I am grateful. I may not understand Gods plan and why people have to suffer such great trials.....but I do understand Gods unwavering love for each of us.  Never has this been more apparent to me.  This last week I had my own trial of my faith.  Last Friday I woke to find my Baby Peyton having seizure!! Worst 40 or so seconds of my life!!  Not knowing how to help your child is absolutely the worst feeling I have ever experienced.  I have never had to call 911 for my self. Always someone else.  to call for help for my child was something I hope to never experience ever again.  I am thankful for the woman on the other end of the phone who stayed with me till help arrived..  The paramedics were an amazing group of men!!! Soo professional and compassionate.  I was less fearful with them in my home.. Also, my brother in law Matt came over and gave Peyton a priesthood blessing.  I believe in the power of those blessing and cling to the words for strength!  Doctors at primary's are wonderful doctors.  We are so blessed to have such an awesome hospital right in our own back yard!  Hope to never visit there too often in my life though!  Peyton has been cleared by a neurologist and I am trying to relax and put the images of that morning out of my mind.  I am trying to get back to our normal.  Trying to be worthy of the blessings that My Father in heaven has given us.  Here is to a better year!! . . . . .   So, this was written a month ago, alot gas gone on.  For example.....today Peyton had another seizure. :(. Most likely caused by another ear infection and Spike in temperature.  The neurologist said it would most likely happen again the last time she had one. But I didn't want to believe her.  She said if it ever happened again and if I felt panic to call 911.  ( of course moms don't panic, said NO one EVER). Well , during lunch Peyton did it again. :(. So of course we called 911. Paramedics arrived and said its totally normal.....sent us to primary's and again was told it was normal and that she would most likely grow out of them.  So how am I doing you ask?  Not sure really.  Kinda ticked off if you want to know the truth.   I guess it really could be worse. I know other family's and their children are dealing with alot worse.  Now I guess I got to chill out, remember the peace that comes from heavenly father. And let him help and protect my children.  After all he is still their father and was their parent first! 

kaylee!!! when did you grow up??

Kaylee bug!! When did you grow up?? You re nine?? I must of blinked. you are such a beautiful little girl. so full of energy ,love and "spice".

Someone told me the other day that you are just delicious! and that when Heavenly Father finished making you he must of stepped back and said " I did good!" Kaylee you are my heart and I love you! you have such a passion for life. and you love deeper then anyone else I know!!

Happy birthday to my little bug! No matter how old you get you will be always be my baby!!!

oh Jaxon!!

My little Jaxon seriously! where did you come from? I think outer space!!!

"Jaxon, what is your phone number?" " E_I_E_O!!" oh buddy you are sooo funny and I love that you try to make us laugh everyday!! I know you know exactly what you are doin!!!

A Thankful Heart

I think for me being a mom is going to be the hardest most rewarding job I will ever have. Think about it. If we got paid for all the crap we do.......Man I would have more money then Mr. Monopoly. I am a chauffer( is that how you spell it?) a chef, a therapist, an EMT, seamstress, teacher, friend, problem solver. And that is just for the kids!! Who am I kidding the same applies for my husband.


This all being said. I am still soo happy to do it. And a lot of the time do all this without a thank you. But today I got my Thank you in a big way. Today was our primary program. For those who don't know what this is. Its where the sweet primary age children get to share through song what they have been learning about all year. This year our theme is . Be Excited About Reading Scriptures. I feel like I got more out of this theme then they did. It is hard to find that desire to sit and read when life is making you crazy. Lately I have only been turning to my scriptures when life seems to hand me a bunch of Lemons. I should be turning to them more often then I do. So, that when life does hand me these freakin lemons. I wont want to squirt them in someones eye. Instead I will want to make lemonade.


When those little chickens stood up and BELTED out those songs, and SHOUTED eternal truths into the microphone it made my heart happy. Not only were these kids singing, they were streghthening many testimonies of those that were in attendance. Mine included. This is very reassuring to a mother of two busy kids, that when all is said and done they do listen. When It counts.
A big thanks to all the primary leaders. You are amazing!!

My Teacher said.....

So, little man you are 4 today. I am soo grateful for you. Everyday you make me laugh, cry,wonder and sometimes even make me want to kill you. I still would not trade you in or sell you to the Gypsies, even though I threaten too. So, I was talking to my mom and she said your kids are soo funny you should really be writing this stuff down. so here goes.
"Jaxon did you eat a whole pat of butter out of the fridge?" "mom, my primary teacher said that my body is a temple." "That's right buddy,do you know what that means?' "nope! but, the temple sure likes butter!" How do you argue that??

" Jaxon you better move your butt or I am going to kick it! cause you know buddy butts are for kicking!" "Mom....... butts are for pooping!"

Jaxon,please don't sit there and whine, just go clean your room." "Mom, I'm not sitting and Whining I'm standing and Whining" How do you try to reason with a 4 yr old?? You don't. just enjoy every moment cause they will slip by fast. Happy Birthday buddy!!! I love you

I used to know her.......

So, here it is. Ryan and I have been together for 11 years. we have 2 kids. Kaylee and Jaxon. We live across the street from my big brother and big sister. My parents as well as Ryan's are less then 10 min away. Ryan has an awesome job that pays him well. I am able to stay home with our kids. The good life Right?? of course. however, life does something to you while you are not really paying attention. Somewhere in the midst of creating this beautiful life, I lost some of myself. Now don't misunderstand me. I am happy. I love Ryan , my kids etc... The weirdest thing happened though. I was outside watching my kids play on the slip and bleed. (oops slide:) for the 100 time this summer. and I thought" I miss me" What does that mean? I am right here I thought. I have along the way lost the part of me that makes me me I thought to myself. so, naturally I decided to talk to my husband about it. We were up late one night having one of those long talks about everything and nothing. MMM I love those nights :). anyway so here goes. " Hunny am I different??"" What? "he said. " Different. like not even a glimpse of who I once was?". To which he says "Of course not you're beautiful. ""Thank you :) "not what I asked. didn't really think you thought I was unattractive. (now I have that to think about) jk. He said "we are both different. we have to be,its been 11 years since we met" OK clearly I am on my own in this thought process. I am not really sure the answer that I was looking for from him. but, apparently that wasn't it. So a lot of changes have been happening in my life. for one.. I am going to put this fairly blunt. I was pregnant,now I am not. I hate it. I hate every thing about it. I want to try again . Ry does not. but, then there is another part of me that thinks. OK now you can get refocused on you. Find that spunky energetic size 8 chick who loved to try new things. and when you are blessed with the chance to have another child it will just happen. I realize that my thoughts are kinda scrambled today. but, such is my life. be patient with me while I untangle this knot. My goal is to remember me and include her in my current life. cause I don't want to say when I look in the mirror"I used to know her" I want to say " I am glad your back"

Rearview mirrors

this morning I read a quote that really made me think. "sometimes God reveals Himself in rear view mirrors" think about it when you are driving how often do you look in your rear view mirror? Yes there are the obvious when changing lanes etc etc... But so many times SO many are much more focused on the road ahead ONLY. We often forget to look back. have you ever had a trial SO big that you don't know how you will ever survive? And then somehow we come out a lot stronger then we ever thought possible. This is called the refiners fire. Got to say sometimes not a big fan of fire. Then we find ourselves saying how did we make it through? this is the time to look back into your "rear view mirror" you will find that there are all these little steps that may seem SO insignificant at the time but, were really key in helping us through. God placed these "stumbling" blocks. and it is our job to use them as stepping stones. I have truly been blessed in my life, and I am guilty of not looking in my "rear view mirror" to see that God was with me the whole time.