I used to know her.......

So, here it is. Ryan and I have been together for 11 years. we have 2 kids. Kaylee and Jaxon. We live across the street from my big brother and big sister. My parents as well as Ryan's are less then 10 min away. Ryan has an awesome job that pays him well. I am able to stay home with our kids. The good life Right?? of course. however, life does something to you while you are not really paying attention. Somewhere in the midst of creating this beautiful life, I lost some of myself. Now don't misunderstand me. I am happy. I love Ryan , my kids etc... The weirdest thing happened though. I was outside watching my kids play on the slip and bleed. (oops slide:) for the 100 time this summer. and I thought" I miss me" What does that mean? I am right here I thought. I have along the way lost the part of me that makes me me I thought to myself. so, naturally I decided to talk to my husband about it. We were up late one night having one of those long talks about everything and nothing. MMM I love those nights :). anyway so here goes. " Hunny am I different??"" What? "he said. " Different. like not even a glimpse of who I once was?". To which he says "Of course not you're beautiful. ""Thank you :) "not what I asked. didn't really think you thought I was unattractive. (now I have that to think about) jk. He said "we are both different. we have to be,its been 11 years since we met" OK clearly I am on my own in this thought process. I am not really sure the answer that I was looking for from him. but, apparently that wasn't it. So a lot of changes have been happening in my life. for one.. I am going to put this fairly blunt. I was pregnant,now I am not. I hate it. I hate every thing about it. I want to try again . Ry does not. but, then there is another part of me that thinks. OK now you can get refocused on you. Find that spunky energetic size 8 chick who loved to try new things. and when you are blessed with the chance to have another child it will just happen. I realize that my thoughts are kinda scrambled today. but, such is my life. be patient with me while I untangle this knot. My goal is to remember me and include her in my current life. cause I don't want to say when I look in the mirror"I used to know her" I want to say " I am glad your back"

Rearview mirrors

this morning I read a quote that really made me think. "sometimes God reveals Himself in rear view mirrors" think about it when you are driving how often do you look in your rear view mirror? Yes there are the obvious when changing lanes etc etc... But so many times SO many are much more focused on the road ahead ONLY. We often forget to look back. have you ever had a trial SO big that you don't know how you will ever survive? And then somehow we come out a lot stronger then we ever thought possible. This is called the refiners fire. Got to say sometimes not a big fan of fire. Then we find ourselves saying how did we make it through? this is the time to look back into your "rear view mirror" you will find that there are all these little steps that may seem SO insignificant at the time but, were really key in helping us through. God placed these "stumbling" blocks. and it is our job to use them as stepping stones. I have truly been blessed in my life, and I am guilty of not looking in my "rear view mirror" to see that God was with me the whole time.

Dear God,

Please help me to find peace. Please help me to tolerate others. please help me to be more Christlike even when I really would rather be mean. Please help me to find forgiveness for those that wrong me. please help me to find my faith. Please help me to remember that Home is where my Family is. I know this list is long. but, trust me you know the list in my heart is much much longer. I want to thank you for being in my life. for reminding me everyday that there is good still in this world. By giving me sunshine through the clouds, children's I love yous, All the love it love its I can stand. sweet nieces and nephews hugs that melt my heart. a sisters text that makes me feel at peace. A father that reminds me to hold to my faith. and my husband who constantly brings me back to my faith when I fall. love, me

My family man

There is a Song written by Craig Campbell. and the very first time I heard it I swear it was written with my husband in mind.

I've been working as a temp

At the local factory

I hope they hire me on full time

I've got shoes to buy

and mouths to feed.

I drive a buy here pay here truck

it ain't new, but it is for me

it ain't much but it fires right up

and gets me from A to B.

What puts the dirt underneath my nails

What keeps the calluses on my hands

Family Man

They're a world my world revolves around

my sacred piece of solid ground

The flesh and Bone that gives me strength to stand

They are a fire in my driving on

the drive behind my coming home

the living, breathing, reason that I am

a Family Man.

There's dirty shirts to wash

Dishes in the sink to do

And there's how many times

does 17 go in to 52

there's bedtime prayers to pray

Sleep tights and I love you's

And then there's a pair of eyes

I get to lose myself into.

What keeps me keeping the faith

What makes me believe I can

Family man

They're a world my world revolves around

my sacred piece of solid ground

the flesh and bone that gives me strength to stand

they are a fire in my driving on

the drive behind my coming home

the living breathing reason that

I am

A Family Man

There's a fire in my driving on

the drive behind my coming home

The living, breathing, reason that I am

A Family Man

A Family Man.

This song is my Ryan from start to finish. I am soooooooo happy that he wanted to marry me. that we have the most beautiful babies together. He is my love my best friend. he is my Family Man. I love you baby!!!!

The tooth fairy needs a better Job

So, in my house we have an 8 yr old who is going to make the little tooth fairy go broke! It seems like as soon as the first tooth fell out they have all seemed to follow suit. I (the tooth fairy) have had to remember to keep cash on hand. Cause the kids don't take plastic. Anyway the first tooth= 5 bucks. I know all of you are freaking out!! All we got was a quarter or two. but, let me tell you this......the tooth fairy across the street is handing out 20's. and the neighbor kids talk!! maybe there should be a meeting of the toothfairys before I have another conversation that goes like this. "Mom, I got 2 bucks for my tooth. " hunny,that's great!" 'not really, I think the tooth fairy needs to get a better job" Whats better then a tooth fairy?? I think it would be great. you get to fly around sneek into houses and leave a little cash for the little ones. however there is a huge downside! Having to haul all those nasty little teeth around. Anyway, My little kk lost yet another tooth. (crap! I only have a few quarters) she will understand right? Next morning after she left for school I found a little note on her bed addressed to the tooth fairy

Dear Tooth fairy,
I really wanted 10 dollars for my tooth.
I want to buy an art kit.
could you please try harder next time?

love kaylee


Some day she will understand. I love my sweet girl. Oh how her little mind works.

Picture it

Picture it....... Another friday out of school.....house quiet....me, just laying peacefully in bed with my eyes not yet open. Then, the silence broken by a whisper in my ear. " this is your conscience.....wake up and feed your kids..... Oh my crazy KK I love you.

Be Still

This month has been really busy..... CRAZY... is more like it.But, in all of this one scripture has been with me. Psalms 46:10 " be still, and know that I am God" It reminds me that If I can just slow down and be still for a moment. I remember He is always there. I just need to quiet my soul so I can hear.