kaylee!!! when did you grow up??

Kaylee bug!! When did you grow up?? You re nine?? I must of blinked. you are such a beautiful little girl. so full of energy ,love and "spice".

Someone told me the other day that you are just delicious! and that when Heavenly Father finished making you he must of stepped back and said " I did good!" Kaylee you are my heart and I love you! you have such a passion for life. and you love deeper then anyone else I know!!

Happy birthday to my little bug! No matter how old you get you will be always be my baby!!!

oh Jaxon!!

My little Jaxon seriously! where did you come from? I think outer space!!!

"Jaxon, what is your phone number?" " E_I_E_O!!" oh buddy you are sooo funny and I love that you try to make us laugh everyday!! I know you know exactly what you are doin!!!

A Thankful Heart

I think for me being a mom is going to be the hardest most rewarding job I will ever have. Think about it. If we got paid for all the crap we do.......Man I would have more money then Mr. Monopoly. I am a chauffer( is that how you spell it?) a chef, a therapist, an EMT, seamstress, teacher, friend, problem solver. And that is just for the kids!! Who am I kidding the same applies for my husband.


This all being said. I am still soo happy to do it. And a lot of the time do all this without a thank you. But today I got my Thank you in a big way. Today was our primary program. For those who don't know what this is. Its where the sweet primary age children get to share through song what they have been learning about all year. This year our theme is . Be Excited About Reading Scriptures. I feel like I got more out of this theme then they did. It is hard to find that desire to sit and read when life is making you crazy. Lately I have only been turning to my scriptures when life seems to hand me a bunch of Lemons. I should be turning to them more often then I do. So, that when life does hand me these freakin lemons. I wont want to squirt them in someones eye. Instead I will want to make lemonade.


When those little chickens stood up and BELTED out those songs, and SHOUTED eternal truths into the microphone it made my heart happy. Not only were these kids singing, they were streghthening many testimonies of those that were in attendance. Mine included. This is very reassuring to a mother of two busy kids, that when all is said and done they do listen. When It counts.
A big thanks to all the primary leaders. You are amazing!!

My Teacher said.....

So, little man you are 4 today. I am soo grateful for you. Everyday you make me laugh, cry,wonder and sometimes even make me want to kill you. I still would not trade you in or sell you to the Gypsies, even though I threaten too. So, I was talking to my mom and she said your kids are soo funny you should really be writing this stuff down. so here goes.
"Jaxon did you eat a whole pat of butter out of the fridge?" "mom, my primary teacher said that my body is a temple." "That's right buddy,do you know what that means?' "nope! but, the temple sure likes butter!" How do you argue that??

" Jaxon you better move your butt or I am going to kick it! cause you know buddy butts are for kicking!" "Mom....... butts are for pooping!"

Jaxon,please don't sit there and whine, just go clean your room." "Mom, I'm not sitting and Whining I'm standing and Whining" How do you try to reason with a 4 yr old?? You don't. just enjoy every moment cause they will slip by fast. Happy Birthday buddy!!! I love you

I used to know her.......

So, here it is. Ryan and I have been together for 11 years. we have 2 kids. Kaylee and Jaxon. We live across the street from my big brother and big sister. My parents as well as Ryan's are less then 10 min away. Ryan has an awesome job that pays him well. I am able to stay home with our kids. The good life Right?? of course. however, life does something to you while you are not really paying attention. Somewhere in the midst of creating this beautiful life, I lost some of myself. Now don't misunderstand me. I am happy. I love Ryan , my kids etc... The weirdest thing happened though. I was outside watching my kids play on the slip and bleed. (oops slide:) for the 100 time this summer. and I thought" I miss me" What does that mean? I am right here I thought. I have along the way lost the part of me that makes me me I thought to myself. so, naturally I decided to talk to my husband about it. We were up late one night having one of those long talks about everything and nothing. MMM I love those nights :). anyway so here goes. " Hunny am I different??"" What? "he said. " Different. like not even a glimpse of who I once was?". To which he says "Of course not you're beautiful. ""Thank you :) "not what I asked. didn't really think you thought I was unattractive. (now I have that to think about) jk. He said "we are both different. we have to be,its been 11 years since we met" OK clearly I am on my own in this thought process. I am not really sure the answer that I was looking for from him. but, apparently that wasn't it. So a lot of changes have been happening in my life. for one.. I am going to put this fairly blunt. I was pregnant,now I am not. I hate it. I hate every thing about it. I want to try again . Ry does not. but, then there is another part of me that thinks. OK now you can get refocused on you. Find that spunky energetic size 8 chick who loved to try new things. and when you are blessed with the chance to have another child it will just happen. I realize that my thoughts are kinda scrambled today. but, such is my life. be patient with me while I untangle this knot. My goal is to remember me and include her in my current life. cause I don't want to say when I look in the mirror"I used to know her" I want to say " I am glad your back"

Rearview mirrors

this morning I read a quote that really made me think. "sometimes God reveals Himself in rear view mirrors" think about it when you are driving how often do you look in your rear view mirror? Yes there are the obvious when changing lanes etc etc... But so many times SO many are much more focused on the road ahead ONLY. We often forget to look back. have you ever had a trial SO big that you don't know how you will ever survive? And then somehow we come out a lot stronger then we ever thought possible. This is called the refiners fire. Got to say sometimes not a big fan of fire. Then we find ourselves saying how did we make it through? this is the time to look back into your "rear view mirror" you will find that there are all these little steps that may seem SO insignificant at the time but, were really key in helping us through. God placed these "stumbling" blocks. and it is our job to use them as stepping stones. I have truly been blessed in my life, and I am guilty of not looking in my "rear view mirror" to see that God was with me the whole time.

Dear God,

Please help me to find peace. Please help me to tolerate others. please help me to be more Christlike even when I really would rather be mean. Please help me to find forgiveness for those that wrong me. please help me to find my faith. Please help me to remember that Home is where my Family is. I know this list is long. but, trust me you know the list in my heart is much much longer. I want to thank you for being in my life. for reminding me everyday that there is good still in this world. By giving me sunshine through the clouds, children's I love yous, All the love it love its I can stand. sweet nieces and nephews hugs that melt my heart. a sisters text that makes me feel at peace. A father that reminds me to hold to my faith. and my husband who constantly brings me back to my faith when I fall. love, me